Finding My Place. Feeling My Space.
Updated: Apr 1, 2020
What brought you to this moment in time? What events, (unexpected, attended, missed, or canceled) changed your path? What conscious choices have you made to raise your vibration to a higher alignment? What choices or events in your life have opened your eyes to a whole new world?
When I reflect on my life so far I see how everything is connected. All the components piecing the puzzle together. I didn’t have the ability to see the bigger picture before. I didn’t see or consider the reactions of my actions. I made a lot of terrible choices and those resulted in mistakes made by me and no one else. I may have attempted to pin the blame on someone or something, but ultimately, I was and am the one responsible. After years of pain, suffering, and desperation, I am learning to live a different way. I needed to learn and learning the hard way was all I knew. I put myself in the dark so I could learn how to find the light. I have the ability to view life and my experiences with a different lens now. I’m not healed. This is just the beginning of my journey. What I thought would be a quick fix has turned into a year and a half of deep release, reflection, and work. I had to assess, clear, and lay the foundation for myself to build a home within myself.
Last September I had the idea to go to Italy for three months. A few days later my trip was booked. I would stay with my family, immersing myself in their way of life, culture, and most importantly their food. I was basically taking a three-month vacation from life because, to be honest, it’s been hard for me. I’m easily stressed, overwhelmed, and left feeling helpless. I imagined running away to Italy would solve these problems. In hindsight I see now it was giving me the excuse to eat whatever I wanted, and do whatever I wanted. I could free myself from everything that held me down here.
With all the media coverage over the Coronavirus, speaking with my family, consulting my astrologer, and really feeling the shift of energy, it didn’t feel like the right thing to do any more yet I fought those gut feelings. “I was going to live in Italy.” I protested! How beautiful is that going to be? Living the Italian dream of un cappuccino e cornetto every morning while sitting on the beach writing, strolling through the old town, long drawn out dinners with my family. I desperately wanted to connect with them in hopes that I would find myself in another land. I’ve always felt so out of place throughout my life. I was latching on to my last hope at finding and understanding myself.
I don’t need to go to Italy to heal. I just need time. I need to connect with myself and do all the things that I want to do. I need to honor my body by eating nourishing foods and one day when my body/mind can deal I can eat all the cornetti I want. I need to create space for me in this world, wherever I am. I don’t know what is going to happen with this virus or when I’ll make it over to Italy to connect with my family. At this time, my biggest priority is to connect with myself. To work on my mental and physical health and wellness. I once heard someone say something along the lines of, "I don't need to go to treatment. I need to live in my environment and learn how to adjust. If I go away, I'm running away from all the things that cause me to want to use. I need to live with these things and approach them in a new way. That's when the real change takes place." I'm not advocating forgoing treatment. I'm definitely not doing this alone but we all have different ways that help us. Find out what works for you.
Join me on this journey. The past year and a half has been a wild ride. I'm excited to share what is to come and maybe you will be inspired to make some changes in your own life.