PCOS Diagnosis

It all makes complete sense to me now. When the doctor phoned me last week and told me I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, I was a little confused. I always thought I was dealing with endo based on how much pain I suffer from. That night I googled all I could about PCOS. I was in denial until it all hit me in the face. The depression, anxiety, severe mood swings, compulsive eating disorder, addiction to sugar, small tubular breasts. Yeah, I didn't know there was a name for them but upon my google search I realized I'm not the only woman in this world with weird-looking boobs. Excessive hair on my face, chest, stomach. I always thought I was just cursed by my European heritage. The list goes on. The thinning/loss of hair on the head, acne, irregular periods, abdominal bloating and pelvic pain. You would think with all of this information a doctor would be able to give a correct diagnosis. Think again. I've struggled for years trying to find answers about why I feel and look the way I do. It took me five doctors to get a diagnosis. I'm happy to finally have the answer but it's also unsettling to think that all that I've dealt with stems from this. If only I knew this years ago. It could have helped me understand the reason behind my depression and mood swings as well as the many insecurities I have about my body. From what I've read there is no cure for PCOS. The options for treatment are either the birth control pill or a pharmaceutical called Metformin. It was originally put on the market for diabetics. Many with PCOS deal with insulin resistance and obesity. To me, these medications do nothing to heal the issues. They simply cover the symptoms.  The root of this disease is a hormonal imbalance. The body is producing too much androgen (male hormones). What if we can naturally balance our hormones. It may not "cure" the disease but it could bring harmony to the body and reduce the symptoms that arise from our hormones being in complete disarray.

Some people in my life feel strongly against my natural approach to healing. They want me to feel good again and go on the meds. I've never been on Metformin but I was on the birth control pill twice in my life. The first course for six years and the second for two. I was originally put on the pill for debilitating periods. They were so heavy and painful that I couldn't walk at times. If I had the knowledge I do now, I would have realized that something larger was going on. Instead I took a pill to cover my symptoms everyday for the next six years. I finally decided to get off the pill when my mental state could no longer take it. I felt like I was going crazy. The two years that followed coming off were horrendous. I was dealing with many life changes that added huge amounts of stress. Hello release of excess cortisol. I didn't get my period again for 6 months. During this time I developed a compulsive eating disorder. Sugar was my weakness. It's crazy to think back how much I used to eat. No one knew at the time because I kept it hidden. I also kept self-mutilation a secret. Dealing with stress, depression and when raged with anger I would lock myself in the bathroom with a lighter and safety-pin. The hot metal on my skin was my only way of release. I was in a very dark place. I've always had a hard time expressing myself through speech. All my thoughts stay bottled up inside and I can't find a way to articulate them. I think this stems from my fear of being judged and people thinking I'm crazy.

Yesterday I came across a couple of blogs that really hit home with me. These personal stories of their mental health with this disease finally made me feel like I'm not alone. Having read these stories and the comments that followed gave me so much understanding of why I feel the way I do. I'm not crazy. My hormones are out of control and in turn making me feel helpless. I'm done feeling like this. I'm done looking in the mirror and hating what I see looking back at me. I'm done with all the physical and mental pain I deal with daily. I'm done with not being able to enjoy myself because of my insecurities and racing mind. I want to heal. I want to feel better. I want to be better.

Tomorrow I see an acupuncturist who specializes in Traditional Chinese Medicine. I've decided that this will be my next course of action. A woman I used to work with referred me to him. He did wonders for balancing her hormones so I'm hoping he can do the same for me. Because of my interstitial cystitis diagnosis I have already drastically changed my diet. Depending on the time of the month I feel like whatever I eat bothers me but I know that consuming a diet free from gluten, dairy and sugar is better for my body. I've gotten to my rock bottom and have acquired the willpower it takes to be strict. It's not easy but I look forward to the future where I will be free from physical and mental pain.